As a child of two rather tough parents tears and lamentations were rarely if ever tolerated. My father was a marine and is a Korean War veteran. My mother was a marine for a short period and worked and raised us the rest of the time. When I left the sixth grade I was given an award for never missing a day of school from first through the sixth grade, if you were breathing you were okay. Needless to say my parents were strict and had high expectations. I am not complaining in any way and that upbringing has served me well through the years. I have developed a hard outer shell and managed to weather some pretty tough storms and come through the other side intact and happy.

   However, I have mellowed some as I have aged and I look back at some of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that have come at me and I have a different take on things now. Certainly I still believe in the old stiff upper lip and all that, but I also see the value in taking the time to feel the pain of a particular situation. Sometimes I think that we can shed tears at the same time we maintain that stiff upper lip and let that lip quiver just ever so much. I am not talking about the tearing of clothes, gnashing of teeth kind of reaction, I am not suggesting that one sit Shiva for days because of an emotional pain. What I am suggesting is that to be healthy, to really feel, and to really learn something we need to let the pain come, acknowledge it and really feel it.

    At one time I had a short career in hospital administration. It was a difficult job, fraught with many difficulties from the top to the bottom. The nurses that I worked with were smart and tough and had developed a rather hard attitude towards problems. One of the phrases I often heard when confronting any difficult problem was "you have to let it bleed". The first time I heard this I had no idea what it meant even though it was explained to me. Now I think I can see the logic and simplicity of this statement. Just like issues in any corporate environment we are faced with problems that seem insurmountable and issues that require the help or acquiescence of others when dealing with life issues. I think now that sometimes we just have to let it bleed a little while. 

   I am learning now how to better handle emotional loss. Physical loss does not seem as difficult, but when faced with end of a relationship, or separation, or lengthy illness I think now that it is better if I allow myself to feel the pain. I will not let it debilitate me and I will not give the one who caused the pain the satisfaction of knowing I hurt, but I will allow myself to feel it. In feeling it I can better remember the cause and be forewarned in the future. I will not make a public display and will tell precious few around me that I hurt, but I will...hurt. I think it may be healthy. I am not really sure. I know that up to this point that while the hard outer shell has served me well, it may be time for a molt if you will. I am not saying anyone else needs to go this route, but I am going to feel for a while, even it hurts a little, as I start over, over 50.

   The sky is falling! Chicken Little ran around the barnyard screaming this phrase after something  above him fell on his head. Seeing no other obvious explanation he came to the conclusion that the sky was falling. After reaching that conclusion he made it his duty, his sacred obligation to warn the residents of the farm that the world was ending because the sky was falling. That was his reality. He drew a conclusion based on the how he perceived what was happening around him.

   I am a big fan of social media. Unlike many others of my generation I find it very useful and it makes it easier for me to stay in touch with old friends and a way to make new ones. One of the more interesting phenomena that I have noticed with social media is the never ending need for people (and I have been one of them) to warn everybody of the impending downfall of this great nation and the "coming to a theater near you" end of the world. There are people of every political leaning, religion, and even cults on the web today and they all want to be heard and want me to know that I am either wrong in my beliefs, or that no matter what I believe I am doomed anyway.

   I used to respond to each and every one of these rants or declarations, debating people I do not know and getting myself worked up over things I have no control over and things that really do not matter. Most people I encounter ranting about politics, religion, economics, etc are sure we are doomed and that things are nothing like they once were. The idea that things are changing is true in one sense, and that is as we age we start to see things from a different perspective. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Plutarch, Cicero and F.Scot Fitzgerald all lamented about how the youth of their time were out of control and had no sense of decency, time, place, or honor. They were sure that forces were aligned that would bring about the end of society.

   One thing I have learned as I have aged and faced the constant changes life brings is that the gentlemen named above were right. The youth of today and society as a whole seems to have lost their way. From where I sit now I can see where this sense of doom and the impending end of our world comes from. It comes from a better understanding of life and how what we do can effect things on a larger scale. I am developing a calmer approach to things now. As things around me change I am determined to remain in a state of stasis. I know now that although I have an opinion it does not always have to be expressed and it may only be valid to me.

   I am trying to refrain from political discussions and debates about religion, history, economics etc. I engage in friendly banter and conversations about sports, my children, food and other mundane topics that tend to keep my blood pressure on an even keel. I am no longer anti anything. I am pro or for many things. I have decided to remove as much as I can the negative view from my sight. I understand that the world is in a precarious state, but I also know that throughout history this is pretty much the norm. Wars have raged, uncertainty has ruled the day and it seemed as if the world was on the brink of total destruction. Yet here we are. There are things we can do to make life better and there are some things we have no control over. I will tend to those things I can control and disregard those those that I cannot. I will remain calm in the face of controversy as I start over, over 50.

   One of the most important things I have discovered in trying to deal with change at a point in my life when change is not that welcome is that there are varying degrees of change. At my age, or at this age, change is a given. My body is changing now at an almost exponential rate, my children are growing faster than I would like, technology is changing rapidly, so change is occurring all around me all of the time. Most of these changes can pass me by with hardly a notice as they are the inevitable changes that we all face. Changes that I would not, or could not anticipate are the ones that are the most difficult.

   Unless we are affecting the change in our lives it generally comes as a huge surprise. I tend to cruise through life expecting people to remain in stasis and I am really surprised when they are the ones causing changes in my life. I have developed a habit of serious introspection now so that I can remain aware of the ebb and flow of the world around me. Some call it meditation, self examination, reflection, etc. For me it is a useful tool. Not that through this introspection I can stop the winds of change from blowing, but so that I am not caught so flatfooted when it happens.

   One constant in my life's changes are the actions of others. No matter how much we try to remain in control of our fate others have a hand in the direction our lives tend to go. Bosses can fire us, loved ones can leave, accidents happen and these are things that no one can predict. If there is one thing I have learned for certain it is that no matter how long I have known someone, no matter how close we are, they will do something that just makes you freeze in disbelief. I am learning to expect this lately and in learning that I have attained a sort of freedom that I never had before.

   I no longer get wrapped up in what others may think. Whether it is their opinion of me, politics, other people, or religion I am learning that I have no control over someone else's thoughts or feelings. Both of those things are the choice of the individual. They may choose to think like me for a time but that is transitory in nature and no matter what I or anyone else thinks we have no control over someone else's feelings. As hard as it is for me to realize there are people in this world that just do not like me and lest you be deceived there are those that feel the same towards you.

   I try to be liked, we all do. No matter what we may say we would prefer that others like us, find us affable,  of a good nature and decent, but the truth is no matter what we do we cannot make them see us as we see ourselves, or as we would hope they do. I choose not to be overly concerned about what others think. I try to live a good life and treat others decently, but being human I do not always hit the mark on that one. The only thing I can do is to let it go. That is the thing that makes me free. I can move on and not worry about what others think. All I can do is continue to try to be good and decent to everybody, recognize when I am not and make amends if possible and then move on. All we can do is keep trying and if others have a dim view of us then that is their burden and not ours. Liberate yourself from the opinions of others and seek the freedom of acceptance of who you are. I am celebrating my freedom today as I start over, over 50.

   I have reserved Wednesdays for lighter reading and writing fare. I try to review a movie I have seen, or maybe a book I have read. Today I am going to review a venue for lack of a better word. In the last two years or so I have been toying with the idea of hiking the Appalachian Trail. I have read about people older than me hiking this trail so it seemed doable. I have a friend that works in the Grand Canyon and he does a lot of hiking and is my age so I thought I might be ready to give it a try. I did some research and found some other trails in America that might be worth a try. I came upon a trail that is local right here on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and it seems right up my alley.

   I was a boy scout as a young man so hiking and camping are no strangers to me. I have spent many nights in the woods and I have walked, hiked and climbed over some pretty tough terrain. There is a "trail" if you will, nearby called the Robert Trent Jones Golf trail and while it is not a "hiking" trail it consists of golf courses throughout Alabama that are listed on this trail that you follow and play. The trail I have discovered is in my own backyard while not quite as tough seems to me to be one that may require some effort to conquer.

   Since I am of an age where rock climbing, crossing rivers, and traversing long distances of difficult terrain can be problematic I chose the following trail for my summer trek. The Mississippi Gulf Seafood Trail is located right here on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and includes 62 miles of Mississippi coastline. The trail consists of 42 restaurants located on this stretch that feature fresh caught Mississippi Gulf seafood. While the term Mississippi Gulf is a misnomer it still conjures up the proper image for the trail's purpose and that is to highlight local restaurants that serve fresh caught Mississippi seafood.

   Hurricane Katrina decimated the coastline here and that included most of the best and oldest seafood joints in the country. The trail can be found at mississippiseafoodtrail.com where a complete listing of participating restaurants can be found. They range from fine dining to what one may describe as "hole-in-the-wall" joints. The menus are available as well as explanation of what is offered at each establishment. The site also describes some of the more popular dishes and their ingredients and some interesting factoids about each one.

   So if the wanderlust has stricken you as it has me play it safe for the summer and check out the Mississippi Seafood trail at the website listed above. The official run of the trail finished August 15th, but the site is up and running and it also has a facebook page you can visit. Strap on a pair topsiders and reserve the time for your "hike". Remember to leave an itinerary with some friends or family in case you get lost on the way. Look for me out there in the wilderness at your favorite spot. I am hiking this trail from beginning to end and may turn around and trace it back. Stretch, and practice a little and enjoy, I am as I start I over, over 50.
 

   "To be, or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them." This is a soliloquy from the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. It is often quoted and yet rarely understood, or quoted correctly. I think I get it and understand the question. It makes sense and in life it seems to be a common theme.

   Do we live and let live, or do we need to get wound up about everything that happens to us? Do we stand up and fight all that is happening against us and by doing so do we end those problems? When is the right time to push back? Does pushing back bring us any relief? Certainly the answers to these questions depend on the situation, but I think on the macro level there is little we can do. I have certainly suffered greatly from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and have taken arms against a sea of troubles only to find myself tired, bruised and battered from a futile struggle. Sometimes those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are just that, outrageous. We can no more stop them than we can delay the rising tide. 

   Sometimes I believe that discretion is the better part of valor. Rather than stand alone in the face of a storm of poor fortune it may be better to batten the hatches and wait it out. Sometimes there is nothing we can do about a raging sea of troubles other than to lash ourselves to a sturdy mast and hope for the best. Sooner or later the storm will subside and we can take stock of the damage and repair the ship. I think that may be where I am right now. For a while I took up arms against a sea of troubles only to find myself exhausted, sword in hand slashing and slicing at waves that cared nothing for me. Circumstances have no conscience, events have no soul nor do they notice the carnage they leave behind.

   In times such as these I am finding it is best to just hang on and wait a minute. Like the hurricanes that have battered my home in the past it will pass and I can rebuild. It seems that the more storms I have to face the easier it is to prepare for them and repair the damage after their passage. In the clear light of day it is easier to see that all is not lost and that life is more important than things. In the future when faced with storms I will not try to fight the inevitable, but I will lash myself to a sturdy tree or some other structure and ride it out. Storms never last forever and I can always rebuild, I always have. However, I keep a closer eye on the barometer of my life these days and as soon as I see indications of an impending storm I prepare, and with each approaching storm I find myself more prepared for the impending damage and the rebuilding process. Take stock of your storm supplies, I am, for in life it is always storm season. The only variable is where and when it will make landfall. Be prepared. I am as I start over, over 50.

   They say that change is the one true constant. Change seems to be the one thing we can guarantee will happen. No matter how hard we try to remain in stasis change surely comes to us all. Some change we can effect, and some change we can do nothing about. Most change is marked by the passage of time and if we look closely almost all change is somehow affected by the passage of time. One thing we know is that change will occur and the only power we have over it is how we react to it.

   When I was a school teacher managing classroom behavior was a daily challenge trying to get children to realize that someone else's actions are not a reason for them to behave in a certain way. This is a curse that follows us to adulthood. How many times have we heard someone respond when questioned as to why they did something that they had to to do what they did based on someone else's behavior? As humans we are ruled more often that not by emotion. It is these emotions, brought about by fear, that seem to cause us to behave irrationally and illogically in ways that harm us or others. We react without thinking, speak without hesitation, offer up ultimatums that cannot be met, conditions that are impossible to live under and reasons for behavior that are absurd.

   The only thing we can really change is ourselves. The younger we are the easier that change is to bring about. However, for some of us, me for instance, it takes many years to come to the conclusion that while others may have had a hand in our demise, or someone else is partially responsible for where we find ourselves, it is how we react, how we respond and what we choose to do that dictates how that change will affect us. We do not have to react out of fear with anger, we do not have to stand frozen in place with overwhelming depression, we do not have to be defined by what others do or say. It is said that we are in charge of our destiny, and while I may agree with that to a point, the present is the only thing we should deal with because that is what affects the future and it is the only thing we know for certain.

   Some people say change is a good thing and in some instances it is, while in other instances and to those affected by it that assertion certainly is arguable. I believe we cannot qualify change. We cannot possibly know for a long time, and in some cases we may never know, whether or not a particular change is either good or bad. We can only know that it is. Our reaction to it determines how it affects us. We cannot change others, we cannot change how they think, feel, and in most cases how they view something, we can only change ourselves.

   I used to tell students that while someone certainly may have wronged them, made a disparaging remark, or even caused them physical harm their reaction to it is not a requirement. As humans and undeveloped humans at that, this concept was hard for them to grasp. But in truth how we react is our responsibility. In any given situation our reaction dictates the movement forward of events and how we are affected. I have embarked on a mission to change and not to be a slave to the actions of others. I choose how I react and how something will change me.  Certainly others have the power to force some change in our lives but we can determine its direction. Take control of your life and how much others can change it. Do not be a slave to your fear and react in a way that fits a script laid out by someone else's agenda. Be yourself and be in charge of yourself as I am attempting to do as I start over, over 50.

   

   It is late August in south Mississippi and that means the days are still long, but getting shorter, school has started and yes...it's football season again. Fall has always been one of my favorite seasons although as far south as I live we really do not have the typical seasons experienced by others. It begins to cool a little, days get shorter, hurricane season starts to settle and football starts. Fall is a time of transition from hot to not so hot. Football occupies that time slot. 

   For me football season has always meant something to do on Saturdays and Sundays other than yard work. Beginning with college football on Saturday and winding up on Monday night, it has always been one of my favorite times of the year. Saturdays gathered at a friends house or at my favorite watering hole have always given me a calm sense of place. Being from the south we have always taken our football too seriously although some of my friends would argue that it is impossible to be too serious about football because it is that important.

   Sundays are always a great at this time of  year with pro football filling up my entire day to the point of distraction. Believe it or not I have some friends for whom football season is trite and tiresome. I have difficulty understanding their position, but I respect it and they being the type of friends they are indulge my fervent desire to be in front of a television no matter where we find ourselves on those days. My children are the most intolerant. My daughter rolls her eyes and refuses to give an inch for football and the boy has yet to develop a true understanding of the nuance of the game. He is a great NASCAR fan, but I believe he has yet to develop an understanding of football and its place in the psyche of the south.

   I will spend this weekend watching college football and awaiting next week's start of the pro season. I will find a place that has my favorite game day foods and beverages and the most strategically placed televisions. For a few hours I can live vicariously cheering for colleges that my friends attended and my alma matter as well. I will enjoy the company of other like minded individuals striking up conversations with complete strangers and comparing our knowledge of the game. I love this time of year and all that it brings. 

   I am hoping you find the same joy in the changing of the seasons that I do, maybe not in football, but in whatever manner works for you. Time moves forward and we all mark the passing seasons in different ways. I mark the passing of summer with football and I welcome the fall with an open heart full of hope. Hope for my teams and hope for me and all of you. My hope is that somehow we can all feel like winners for a while, even if it is a short while. I will welcome the chance to escape for a few hours on weekends and gather with friends with open arms and a glad heart, as start over, over 50.