The currents of life

   Starting over is a great adventure. Fraught with the all of the pitfalls, success, stumbles, failures and victories that one would expect. However, as time goes forward the stumbles become fewer, the pitfalls easier to see and the victories large and small become more frequent. They say that time heals all wounds. Don’t believe that for a minute. It makes the wound less visible, less raw, but emotional wounds never heal. One thing time does allow us to do is recover, catch our breath and stop and get a view of where we are headed.

   I have not had the luxury of time. It hasn’t healed a single wound, but it has allowed me to get my feet under me, to catch my breath from that body blow I took back in June, to take an inventory of what I have, what I need, and where I may be going, but my need to heal is urgent. My desire to recover strong. I think sometimes the momentum of life just sweeps us along like the rapids of a river during the spring thaw. All we can do is keep our head above the water, look out for the rocks and pray for the current to slow. Every now and then I have spied a pool of calmer water and been unable to get to it, so here I am being swept along by the swift currents of change praying that I do not hit any more rocks.

   The good part about the swift current of life that is sweeping me along right now is that I am a little better prepared. I have the experience of having been down this road before. Don’t be deceived, I am making mistakes. I have stumbled, taken wrong turns, squandered a few good opportunities and trampled through a few innocent people’s life in this short span of time. But I believe that is how life goes. As we are swept along we can look back and see the dangers we have missed, the rocks we could have avoided and maybe even a safe place to exit where we should have stopped for a break.

   Right now I do not have the luxury of time. Right now time seems to be my enemy. I am aging and I see it every morning in the face that looks back at me in the mirror. A little more haggard, a little older and sometimes I do not recognize it at all. However, I am upright and on the green side of the ground. As I am being swept along by the currents of change I see familiar faces along the bank some cheering me on, others offering a hand, a branch, or the occasional toss of the life ring. I have yet to grab any of these life savers. The current is still too swift and I am still a little tired. But up ahead, just around the bend I see a calm spot in the river, just out of sight and almost out of reach, but it is there. When I get to it I will float to the bank, grab the hand of the one standing by to help and take my place on the bank, standing and watching for another hapless soul caught up in the currents of change, starting over, over 50.