Popular Posts

  • Words that begin with "H"
        As promised, my point here is to explore the starting over process at this age and to try and figure out why I have to start over. As Ar...
  • New Beginnings
       New beginnings are all around us. Sometimes we just have to see them. We probably miss more than we catch, but they are out there. That i...
  • (no title)
       There are a lot of things I had planed to write today and the rest of the week. Subjects that I am sure were deep, profound and enlighten...
  • My children
       Feeling down? Feeling blue? Has something been weighing heavy on your heart and keeping you from really enjoying life? I have the solutio...
  • It's Never Too Late
         First I have to admit I am a little cautious, having never let my thoughts hang out in the ethereal wind of the www makes me a bit nerv...
  • You Cannot Quit
       Starting over is difficult. It would be easy to wallow in the mire of grief, but I cannot. One thing I learned from my parents and I tell...
  • Another Day
       It’s never a clean break. No matter what each party says about no fault, or not seeking recompense for anything and that the split will b...
  • That last breath
       I received a comment on a blog post that contained what the writer called cliches that ring true. And they do ring true. Sometimes cliche...
  • Making Progress
       Some days are better than others. Today was one of those days. I worked hard, made progress in my personal life and while I still hurt it...
  • Apology
          I owe someone an apology; someone close to me that had a hand in me being who I am today. I owe this person an apology because I have ...

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Wallowing

   Starting over is never easy. New challenges, new horizons, new people and places can make starting over a very exciting experience. I am trying to find all the good in this situation. I look all over for the bright side, and try to spin everything as positive as I possibly can. However, no matter how hard I try sometimes there is nothing about this that says yippee! I do all I can to not dwell on what the future holds, but for some reason, for the first time in my life, I am having a hard time dealing with something.
   I am not complaining and trust me I take many deep breaths and refocus my thoughts but sometimes no matter what I do all I can see is gloom and doom on the horizon. The part that pisses me off is that I know better. I know if I keep trying and do the right thing all will be well and I shall rise from this just as millions of people do every day. I see people every day that I know are facing and have faced harder times than what I am going through. However, sometimes that provides little solace. For like most people I can be self centered and shallow and I want to just wallow in my own little mud puddle of grief.
   Today I am covered in mud. I am wallowing in the uncertainty of a future that I know I have little control over. Things that cannot be changed are bogging me down and things that will never change are breaking my heart. The bad part about all of this is that in my weakness I freeze and do not do all of the things that I need to do to improve not just my physical environment but my spiritual well being. I am having trouble letting go of those things I no longer control and in the process I am having trouble handling those things that I have control over.
   One of the things I have control over is my attitude, my outlook on life, my undying belief in the fact that I will come through this as I have many other trials and tribulations. However, today I can’ see it. Today I am stuck in the mire of guilt, grief, uncertainty and gloom. I will snap out of it soon. I am committed to this process and I refuse to quit trying. That alone should carry me through to the other side as I start over, over 50.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)