I have not written anything in a long time. The whole point of this exercise for me was entirely selfish. I had things I needed to sort through and writing about them made me think about them which in turn helped me deal with what I am going through. I know some people think I should be over it already. I have been told to man up, give it time, let it bleed and lots of other valuable advice. I have done all of those things and to some extent all of those helped.
The title of this blog is Starting Over, Over 50. That is what I have been doing. It was not just my marriage and family that fell apart, my career and my circle of friends dissolved as well. Part of that is my fault as I have done a decent job of withdrawing from the world. One of the things that helped me was obtaining a job in my chosen profession. Another thing that has helped is one of the things that people have been preaching to me since the beginning, and that is the passing of time. Time has made a huge difference. However, it has not changed anything, but rather given me the chance to get a grip on my new life. Things are still the same. I am still divorced, I am still a part time father and I still go to bed alone every night. I have a little more hope now and I can see myself in the future doing better. That was something that was impossible a few months ago. The future held no promise for me as far as I could tell. Now I see that it does.
Oddly enough it was the holiday season that helped me see some light at the end of the tunnel. During this time of year it is hard to escape the love and joy that Christmas and the other holidays bring. The New Year’s holiday brings a promise of renewal and by its very nature another chance to get it right. The reality is, it is just another day but we have changed it and given it an air of promise of new things to come. I am looking at it as just that.
Six months ago you could not have convinced that I would be here at this moment, well, happy and encouraged by what the future holds. I know I still have work to do and difficulties to overcome and these last few weeks have given me hope and the belief that I will carry on and I will prevail. My children still love me, and they look forward to their time with me and that is reason enough for me to keep trying to improve. There are more reasons and I will get to them as I pick up where I left off a month ago. I am here and I am well as I start over, over fifty.
