That last breath

   I received a comment on a blog post that contained what the writer called cliches that ring true. And they do ring true. Sometimes cliches help us get perspective on things, and truly most cliches do have a good bit of truth in them. One of the cliches was, "When one door closes another door opens". I guess that is true. When it seems that doors have closed on chapters of our lives other doors open to new beginnings and experiences for us. That is true if we keep moving forward. New doors have to open or what else is there? However, as I look back on my life and recent events I do not see closed doors, nor do I want to imagine that those doors ever close. If we can't look back and see through these doors then what was the point of all that we have lived?
   I have learned in my short time and limited experience that one should never close doors on the past, burn bridges that we have crossed, or erase memories of those people and events that helped put us where we are. Rather, they should be windows on the past that we can look through from time to time to see the good and the bad, the mistakes and the victories. We are all fallible and guilty of sins of omission and commission that make us wince as we view them through the windows of the past. Like The Chairman of the Board sang, "regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention". When you sit down and think about it, it is true for all of us.
   Think about it for a minute and look back on your past. How much would you truly change? How much do you really regret? For certain, on the micro level, we can come up with a million little regrets. The anger at a driver on the way to work as we honked and gave them the secret sign, the harsh, or cross words when impatient we snapped at a loved one when all they wanted, or needed was a smile, a touch, an acknowledgement of their importance in your life. But how much should you regret? Every action on your part was another step on the path that brought you to a new and more often than not, better place.
   We cannot change the past, we can only learn from it. We can certainly have some influence on the future, but as my last post suggested hubris can sneak up and influence it in ways we never intended. So I will not look back on my past as closed doors, but rather as windows to my life that I can peer through and learn from. From this point forward I will look to the future with hope and back at the past with happiness. For if you are still on the green side of the ground you really have nothing to be remorseful about. You have been given the precious gift of another day, another opprtunity to improve the lives of others and enhance your own life.
   I have no regrets. I have made mistakes, but I am only human and I cannot take them back, I can only learn from them and attempt to keep from repeating them. It is Friday night and I am seeing it in a new light. Not through rose colored glasses, but certain in the knowledge that I will make mistakes again, I will hurt someone without meaning to, be angry about petty issues, and forget sometimes to tell those around me how much they matter to me. I will endeavour to improve on that, and not make the mistakes as often, but I am certain I will make them. Again I am human. I will not beat myself  up about it, and when I am on my deathbed drawing that last precious breath I pray that I will have learned not to regret, but to remember.