New Beginnings

   New beginnings are all around us. Sometimes we just have to see them. We probably miss more than we catch, but they are out there. That is the beauty of life. We keep on living, putting one foot in front of the other and eventually we will find our way out the darkest of holes. Speaking of which, I have never forgotten what one of my college professors told me. He said the first rule of holes is, when you find yourself in one…put down the shovel! I live by that rule and I believe that is one of the reasons this hole has not been as deep or as hard to get out of.

   I have found myself in some dark places in my life, this one being one of the darkest. However, one of the advantages of starting over, over 50 is the years of accumulated knowledge and experience help one to overcome some of the obstacles. As a young man I would have been far more reactive than proactive in this situation, I know because this is not the first time I have been down this road. The first time I went to some dark places. I was reactive and not proactive, and blamed everything and everyone but myself. The odd thing was that back then I had a larger support group than I have now and yet it still took me a decade to snap out of it and emerge from the darkness.

  Don’t get me wrong, the pain seems worse this time than before, the situation is much harder to accept, yet I have not gone to those same dark places I visited before. I have, for the most part kept my wits about me. I have done positive things that move me forward and provide opportunity. One opportunity starts tomorrow. I have secured a good teaching job in a great school district with a decent salary and benefits. It takes some of the sting out of what I lost; belonging to an organization with people that share some commonality helps keep me up-beat and positive.

   I still have a long way to go. I miss my former life terribly, and the sting of someone you once worshipped and loved so much no longer reciprocating those feelings is as raw and painful as it was when I first heard it was over. However, I have taken what I think is a big step in the right direction and hopefully being back to work in a profession I love so much will help heal the wounds. Suddenly with just one small victory, one step in a forward direction there is some light on the horizon. I am cautiously optimistic and at the same time a little cynical. I know now for certain that in the blink of an eye it can all disappear again and I will find myself once more starting over. But I also know another thing for certain…I can handle it.