I shy away from writing about politics. No, wait, shy away is not a good phrase. I shun it it. I loathe writing about it and for me since I am not in the business it seems ludicrous as a way of life. However, with all that is going lately I am compelled to include it in today's writing. Much is going on around the world in area of political struggles and the never ending maneuvering for power. If you think about it we do it on the micro level in our everyday lives as well. Sometimes I think it is a lack of inner calm or peace that brings this about. That lack of inner calm or peace brings about fear and in turn with the fear we begin to seek power over others.

   For some reason man has always sought power over others, for personal gain, evil, yes I said evil, and some sense of safety, but I think the seeking of power is out of fear. When we fear we need to have control over our situation because once we are afraid we must admit we have lost control over our selves. It is this self control and elimination of fear that I strive for more often lately. Fear drives me more than any other emotion. It forces me to make judgments, right or wrong, about others. It forces me to make choices that may have brought about something better, but the fear of failure stopped the effort. To counter balance the notion of fear man has come up with courage. The best definition of courage I have heard is doing something while still being afraid.

   Based on the above definition we are all courageous. We go about pour daily lives doing things that we have an innate fear of, and in doing them conquer that fear and move onward. Some of these things are mundane, such as public speaking, driving to work, or asking for that raise. Others are a little more daunting and do not need description here as we can name too many. The point is we need to realize that fear is what drives us, what motivates us, the one thing that determines our life's direction is fear. We must also realize that this fear exists in everyone. Anyone who claims they are unafraid are liars, foolish and to be avoided.

   I meditate each day. Some days not in a formal sit in a lotus position and hum way, but I take time to be still and listen to myself. I quiet the cacophony of voices telling me what I should be doing, what I need to be doing and listen to the voice that tells me what I want to be doing. In this inner being I always find that spark of fear. The fear of stepping out of the norm and being ridiculed, the fear of some unknown and unknowable physical danger, the fear of being alone and the ever present fear of being wrong. I examine what it is I really want, simplify it, qualify it and study the consequences. The one thing I always realize is that the consequence of not doing the thing, the ramifications of not making an attempt always outweigh the the consequence of failure. So I focus on the doing and not the failure. I study and analyze and go through the attempt before examining the end result. Because to not try; that is the real failure, and after all it is the fear of failure that drives us all. I know it drives me as I start over, over 50.

   We all have our detractors. Some of us for some unknown reason, or reasons have more than others. I guess it it is a subjective issue to each one of us. I remember as a child being baffled every time someone took a dislike to me. I was indifferent and aloof when it came to others. I stayed close to those in my circle of friends and while I held no animus towards those on the outside I did not give them much thought either. As I grew older I came to realize that there were people in this world that did not like me for many reasons and people that despised me for no reason I could discern.

   It is still that way. It used to hurt me greatly when I knew people felt this way. I used to have a sort of fear of these people too, afraid to get too close and find out what they really thought and have my happy little picture me burst before my eyes and my weaknesses, ugliness, and terrible traits laid bare for me to see. Back then I apparently liked to live in denial. I assumed that I liked me so every else must feel the same. Again, I truly felt no animus towards any one person, I guess it was my aloofness and lack of awareness that may have offended others. As I have grown older I have certainly done things to cause people to dislike me. Some things that are pretty bad and some things that when summed up together seem even worse.

   There are also people I know that dislike me for reasons of their own that I had nothing to do with. Those that I know I remind of some one thing they said, or did and do not want to be constantly reminded of so I am the target of their disdain or hatred. I have no problem with this for two reasons. I may have had a part in the act they no longer want to remember. We may have been together during a particularly bad time that brings back terrible memories better left buried beneath the debris of the past and only revealed through a careful sifting and cataloguing of the contents. My presence may bring this out more readily. The other reason is that maybe they have wronged me somehow and in seeing me they are reminded of what they are capable of. Maybe they are reminded of a part of them they do no wish to acknowledge so I am the easy target.

   There is another more simpler answer though. It may be to some people I am simply unlikable. Maybe there are things about me that just seem to bring out the dislike in others. I know in my life there are people like that for me. Don't ask me why, and while I try not to judge and to assume the best of everyone, there are some that I just cannot like no matter how hard I try. I have come to grips with both issues. I realize that no matter how hard I try there are plenty of people that may tolerate me, but in no way do they like me and there are people that elicit the same reaction from me. It's okay. To those who do not like me, I am okay with it. You do not matter nor do your opinions matter any more than my liking you, or my opinions of you matter. However, remember I am a son of the south and will remain genteel as long as possible. I will suffer the boor for as long as possible and dodge the slings and arrows of your vitriol for as long as I can, but I will eventually return to what my father told me is the only thing some people really understand and that is a punch in the mouth either metaphorically or for real. I will weigh my options carefully though as I start over, over 50.

   I have written in the past of my compulsion to write being the primary reason for putting my thoughts down into this format. I have also found however, that sometimes I am compelled to shut up. For one reason or another I find myself with thoughts and ideas about burst from my skull yet some unknown force prevents me from sitting down and doing it. Oddly, I do not find it frustrating nor do I endure some sort of internal struggle trying to battle forces bent on my spewing forth nonsensical claptrap that has no meaning other than to occupy blank space on a page.

   This recent hiatus came from a trip I took to visit a very good friend halfway across the country for some much needed if not deserved escapism. I have been living within myself for so long lately that an outside distraction was sorely needed. I flew far to the northern end of the country to enjoy some professional sports, good company, food, and fermented hops and barley. When I returned I felt like a different person in some ways. Not a new man, just somehow different from when I left. It is amazing what a change of scenery and some new people around you can do for your perspective.

   I still face the same issues. I still have some of the same hills to climb yet they somehow appear less daunting and not nearly as high.I know that no matter what, everywhere else in this world are people just like me facing the same things, some far worse, on a daily basis. My hope is they have friends similar to mine. The quantity is not the issue, but rather quality. I have a rather small circle of friends (at least in my view) that judge not, criticize when needed and help all the time in whatever way they can. That is all a man can ask. I only hope I am as good a friend to them as they are to me.

   In hindsight after writing today I can see why there was a lull in my work. Sometimes some things do not need to be said right away. Some times things need to be put aside and of course sometimes some things need never be said at all. Having friends and cultivating relationships is what we as humans were designed for. We are social animals and for the most part altruistic. We were not meant to be alone and I really do not know a single person that would stand by and not lend a hand when needed. Today I will continue to carry my friends with me because that is the poultice on the wounds of my soul. Friendship is the elixir of life, the fountain of youth and the cure for all maladies of the heart and soul. Have a dose of friendship today, offer a treatment for a broken mind, heart or soul and be a healer for a little while. I will do that today as much as I can as I start over, over 50.

   There are a lot of things I had planed to write today and the rest of the week. Subjects that I am sure were deep, profound and enlightening. However, far more talented writers than I have done such a great job of if I would think any attempt I can offer would to be too sophomoric and not capture the gravity of the situation and or give any sense of new meaning or any closure to such a still fresh gaping wound.The one that happened 13 years ago today.

 What  happened today thirteen years ago was a horrific act than can only be characterized as senseless mass murder committed cowardly ideologues. Somehow in our zeal to improve, what
 needed  to be done and done quickly be cane apparent we were the bad guys. The whole mess in this area was our fault micromanage, or to generally make life better for those who we thought and others thought were like us . We the devil, Christians, thieves and idolaters who had come to kill the men and rape and enslave the women and children caused all of this carnage and death. Ha we stepped in the world the world have Settled in to blissful state of Utopia and we would all live happily ever after.

   Current and past event suggest otherwise. There far too many major and minor conflicts that could at any moment make the whole mess explode and not be be able to stop until mutually assured destruction is achieved. These lands are ancient and have been occupied by many tribes and groups back and forth wars as raged on. The victor wants land for as long as he could hold it. I cannot see that  stopping Foreign intervention foments these struggles as each tries to whisper dreams of untold wealth, power and continued United States promises of high-tech whiz bangs to show during military parades

   In an ancient area of the Middle East the situation is forever fluid and changes as as there hours in a day. A culture that celebrates death is a very hard one to defeat. We have learned from the Vietnam War that we cannot change the minds and hearts of most of the people. When fighting an oppressed impoverished  people the locals need to be on the front lines. WE provide support, search and rescue and medical, but past that we can do much else other than supply and arm them and offer training and Intel. and Evacuation as a last resort. We cannot fix the entire world as  admirable as that may be. Certain ideologies will never be open it. I think that in life when are beset by those around determined  label an categorize us as "A certain Way". People who have convinced themselves they know us and can see right through us, let them. They now have plenty to do having solved the enigma that was you and know they just that much more. Be glad  for as they are now being so enlightened to trip to Nirvana is that much closer. Also to remember to to forgive. Try to practice everyday. Not necessarily everyone and all the time sometimes not but just in prayer you sent to ask that forgiveness me note and passed forward So I guess it' about forgiveness. " I tried to get down to the heart of the matter, but will gets week and my thoughts seem to scatter,, but I think it's about forgiveness, about forgiveness. I willl continue this practice more and more I  I hope as I start over, over 50

   As a child of two rather tough parents tears and lamentations were rarely if ever tolerated. My father was a marine and is a Korean War veteran. My mother was a marine for a short period and worked and raised us the rest of the time. When I left the sixth grade I was given an award for never missing a day of school from first through the sixth grade, if you were breathing you were okay. Needless to say my parents were strict and had high expectations. I am not complaining in any way and that upbringing has served me well through the years. I have developed a hard outer shell and managed to weather some pretty tough storms and come through the other side intact and happy.

   However, I have mellowed some as I have aged and I look back at some of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that have come at me and I have a different take on things now. Certainly I still believe in the old stiff upper lip and all that, but I also see the value in taking the time to feel the pain of a particular situation. Sometimes I think that we can shed tears at the same time we maintain that stiff upper lip and let that lip quiver just ever so much. I am not talking about the tearing of clothes, gnashing of teeth kind of reaction, I am not suggesting that one sit Shiva for days because of an emotional pain. What I am suggesting is that to be healthy, to really feel, and to really learn something we need to let the pain come, acknowledge it and really feel it.

    At one time I had a short career in hospital administration. It was a difficult job, fraught with many difficulties from the top to the bottom. The nurses that I worked with were smart and tough and had developed a rather hard attitude towards problems. One of the phrases I often heard when confronting any difficult problem was "you have to let it bleed". The first time I heard this I had no idea what it meant even though it was explained to me. Now I think I can see the logic and simplicity of this statement. Just like issues in any corporate environment we are faced with problems that seem insurmountable and issues that require the help or acquiescence of others when dealing with life issues. I think now that sometimes we just have to let it bleed a little while. 

   I am learning now how to better handle emotional loss. Physical loss does not seem as difficult, but when faced with end of a relationship, or separation, or lengthy illness I think now that it is better if I allow myself to feel the pain. I will not let it debilitate me and I will not give the one who caused the pain the satisfaction of knowing I hurt, but I will allow myself to feel it. In feeling it I can better remember the cause and be forewarned in the future. I will not make a public display and will tell precious few around me that I hurt, but I will...hurt. I think it may be healthy. I am not really sure. I know that up to this point that while the hard outer shell has served me well, it may be time for a molt if you will. I am not saying anyone else needs to go this route, but I am going to feel for a while, even it hurts a little, as I start over, over 50.

   The sky is falling! Chicken Little ran around the barnyard screaming this phrase after something  above him fell on his head. Seeing no other obvious explanation he came to the conclusion that the sky was falling. After reaching that conclusion he made it his duty, his sacred obligation to warn the residents of the farm that the world was ending because the sky was falling. That was his reality. He drew a conclusion based on the how he perceived what was happening around him.

   I am a big fan of social media. Unlike many others of my generation I find it very useful and it makes it easier for me to stay in touch with old friends and a way to make new ones. One of the more interesting phenomena that I have noticed with social media is the never ending need for people (and I have been one of them) to warn everybody of the impending downfall of this great nation and the "coming to a theater near you" end of the world. There are people of every political leaning, religion, and even cults on the web today and they all want to be heard and want me to know that I am either wrong in my beliefs, or that no matter what I believe I am doomed anyway.

   I used to respond to each and every one of these rants or declarations, debating people I do not know and getting myself worked up over things I have no control over and things that really do not matter. Most people I encounter ranting about politics, religion, economics, etc are sure we are doomed and that things are nothing like they once were. The idea that things are changing is true in one sense, and that is as we age we start to see things from a different perspective. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Plutarch, Cicero and F.Scot Fitzgerald all lamented about how the youth of their time were out of control and had no sense of decency, time, place, or honor. They were sure that forces were aligned that would bring about the end of society.

   One thing I have learned as I have aged and faced the constant changes life brings is that the gentlemen named above were right. The youth of today and society as a whole seems to have lost their way. From where I sit now I can see where this sense of doom and the impending end of our world comes from. It comes from a better understanding of life and how what we do can effect things on a larger scale. I am developing a calmer approach to things now. As things around me change I am determined to remain in a state of stasis. I know now that although I have an opinion it does not always have to be expressed and it may only be valid to me.

   I am trying to refrain from political discussions and debates about religion, history, economics etc. I engage in friendly banter and conversations about sports, my children, food and other mundane topics that tend to keep my blood pressure on an even keel. I am no longer anti anything. I am pro or for many things. I have decided to remove as much as I can the negative view from my sight. I understand that the world is in a precarious state, but I also know that throughout history this is pretty much the norm. Wars have raged, uncertainty has ruled the day and it seemed as if the world was on the brink of total destruction. Yet here we are. There are things we can do to make life better and there are some things we have no control over. I will tend to those things I can control and disregard those those that I cannot. I will remain calm in the face of controversy as I start over, over 50.

   One of the most important things I have discovered in trying to deal with change at a point in my life when change is not that welcome is that there are varying degrees of change. At my age, or at this age, change is a given. My body is changing now at an almost exponential rate, my children are growing faster than I would like, technology is changing rapidly, so change is occurring all around me all of the time. Most of these changes can pass me by with hardly a notice as they are the inevitable changes that we all face. Changes that I would not, or could not anticipate are the ones that are the most difficult.

   Unless we are affecting the change in our lives it generally comes as a huge surprise. I tend to cruise through life expecting people to remain in stasis and I am really surprised when they are the ones causing changes in my life. I have developed a habit of serious introspection now so that I can remain aware of the ebb and flow of the world around me. Some call it meditation, self examination, reflection, etc. For me it is a useful tool. Not that through this introspection I can stop the winds of change from blowing, but so that I am not caught so flatfooted when it happens.

   One constant in my life's changes are the actions of others. No matter how much we try to remain in control of our fate others have a hand in the direction our lives tend to go. Bosses can fire us, loved ones can leave, accidents happen and these are things that no one can predict. If there is one thing I have learned for certain it is that no matter how long I have known someone, no matter how close we are, they will do something that just makes you freeze in disbelief. I am learning to expect this lately and in learning that I have attained a sort of freedom that I never had before.

   I no longer get wrapped up in what others may think. Whether it is their opinion of me, politics, other people, or religion I am learning that I have no control over someone else's thoughts or feelings. Both of those things are the choice of the individual. They may choose to think like me for a time but that is transitory in nature and no matter what I or anyone else thinks we have no control over someone else's feelings. As hard as it is for me to realize there are people in this world that just do not like me and lest you be deceived there are those that feel the same towards you.

   I try to be liked, we all do. No matter what we may say we would prefer that others like us, find us affable,  of a good nature and decent, but the truth is no matter what we do we cannot make them see us as we see ourselves, or as we would hope they do. I choose not to be overly concerned about what others think. I try to live a good life and treat others decently, but being human I do not always hit the mark on that one. The only thing I can do is to let it go. That is the thing that makes me free. I can move on and not worry about what others think. All I can do is continue to try to be good and decent to everybody, recognize when I am not and make amends if possible and then move on. All we can do is keep trying and if others have a dim view of us then that is their burden and not ours. Liberate yourself from the opinions of others and seek the freedom of acceptance of who you are. I am celebrating my freedom today as I start over, over 50.

   I have reserved Wednesdays for lighter reading and writing fare. I try to review a movie I have seen, or maybe a book I have read. Today I am going to review a venue for lack of a better word. In the last two years or so I have been toying with the idea of hiking the Appalachian Trail. I have read about people older than me hiking this trail so it seemed doable. I have a friend that works in the Grand Canyon and he does a lot of hiking and is my age so I thought I might be ready to give it a try. I did some research and found some other trails in America that might be worth a try. I came upon a trail that is local right here on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and it seems right up my alley.

   I was a boy scout as a young man so hiking and camping are no strangers to me. I have spent many nights in the woods and I have walked, hiked and climbed over some pretty tough terrain. There is a "trail" if you will, nearby called the Robert Trent Jones Golf trail and while it is not a "hiking" trail it consists of golf courses throughout Alabama that are listed on this trail that you follow and play. The trail I have discovered is in my own backyard while not quite as tough seems to me to be one that may require some effort to conquer.

   Since I am of an age where rock climbing, crossing rivers, and traversing long distances of difficult terrain can be problematic I chose the following trail for my summer trek. The Mississippi Gulf Seafood Trail is located right here on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and includes 62 miles of Mississippi coastline. The trail consists of 42 restaurants located on this stretch that feature fresh caught Mississippi Gulf seafood. While the term Mississippi Gulf is a misnomer it still conjures up the proper image for the trail's purpose and that is to highlight local restaurants that serve fresh caught Mississippi seafood.

   Hurricane Katrina decimated the coastline here and that included most of the best and oldest seafood joints in the country. The trail can be found at mississippiseafoodtrail.com where a complete listing of participating restaurants can be found. They range from fine dining to what one may describe as "hole-in-the-wall" joints. The menus are available as well as explanation of what is offered at each establishment. The site also describes some of the more popular dishes and their ingredients and some interesting factoids about each one.

   So if the wanderlust has stricken you as it has me play it safe for the summer and check out the Mississippi Seafood trail at the website listed above. The official run of the trail finished August 15th, but the site is up and running and it also has a facebook page you can visit. Strap on a pair topsiders and reserve the time for your "hike". Remember to leave an itinerary with some friends or family in case you get lost on the way. Look for me out there in the wilderness at your favorite spot. I am hiking this trail from beginning to end and may turn around and trace it back. Stretch, and practice a little and enjoy, I am as I start I over, over 50.
 

   "To be, or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them." This is a soliloquy from the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. It is often quoted and yet rarely understood, or quoted correctly. I think I get it and understand the question. It makes sense and in life it seems to be a common theme.

   Do we live and let live, or do we need to get wound up about everything that happens to us? Do we stand up and fight all that is happening against us and by doing so do we end those problems? When is the right time to push back? Does pushing back bring us any relief? Certainly the answers to these questions depend on the situation, but I think on the macro level there is little we can do. I have certainly suffered greatly from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and have taken arms against a sea of troubles only to find myself tired, bruised and battered from a futile struggle. Sometimes those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are just that, outrageous. We can no more stop them than we can delay the rising tide. 

   Sometimes I believe that discretion is the better part of valor. Rather than stand alone in the face of a storm of poor fortune it may be better to batten the hatches and wait it out. Sometimes there is nothing we can do about a raging sea of troubles other than to lash ourselves to a sturdy mast and hope for the best. Sooner or later the storm will subside and we can take stock of the damage and repair the ship. I think that may be where I am right now. For a while I took up arms against a sea of troubles only to find myself exhausted, sword in hand slashing and slicing at waves that cared nothing for me. Circumstances have no conscience, events have no soul nor do they notice the carnage they leave behind.

   In times such as these I am finding it is best to just hang on and wait a minute. Like the hurricanes that have battered my home in the past it will pass and I can rebuild. It seems that the more storms I have to face the easier it is to prepare for them and repair the damage after their passage. In the clear light of day it is easier to see that all is not lost and that life is more important than things. In the future when faced with storms I will not try to fight the inevitable, but I will lash myself to a sturdy tree or some other structure and ride it out. Storms never last forever and I can always rebuild, I always have. However, I keep a closer eye on the barometer of my life these days and as soon as I see indications of an impending storm I prepare, and with each approaching storm I find myself more prepared for the impending damage and the rebuilding process. Take stock of your storm supplies, I am, for in life it is always storm season. The only variable is where and when it will make landfall. Be prepared. I am as I start over, over 50.

   They say that change is the one true constant. Change seems to be the one thing we can guarantee will happen. No matter how hard we try to remain in stasis change surely comes to us all. Some change we can effect, and some change we can do nothing about. Most change is marked by the passage of time and if we look closely almost all change is somehow affected by the passage of time. One thing we know is that change will occur and the only power we have over it is how we react to it.

   When I was a school teacher managing classroom behavior was a daily challenge trying to get children to realize that someone else's actions are not a reason for them to behave in a certain way. This is a curse that follows us to adulthood. How many times have we heard someone respond when questioned as to why they did something that they had to to do what they did based on someone else's behavior? As humans we are ruled more often that not by emotion. It is these emotions, brought about by fear, that seem to cause us to behave irrationally and illogically in ways that harm us or others. We react without thinking, speak without hesitation, offer up ultimatums that cannot be met, conditions that are impossible to live under and reasons for behavior that are absurd.

   The only thing we can really change is ourselves. The younger we are the easier that change is to bring about. However, for some of us, me for instance, it takes many years to come to the conclusion that while others may have had a hand in our demise, or someone else is partially responsible for where we find ourselves, it is how we react, how we respond and what we choose to do that dictates how that change will affect us. We do not have to react out of fear with anger, we do not have to stand frozen in place with overwhelming depression, we do not have to be defined by what others do or say. It is said that we are in charge of our destiny, and while I may agree with that to a point, the present is the only thing we should deal with because that is what affects the future and it is the only thing we know for certain.

   Some people say change is a good thing and in some instances it is, while in other instances and to those affected by it that assertion certainly is arguable. I believe we cannot qualify change. We cannot possibly know for a long time, and in some cases we may never know, whether or not a particular change is either good or bad. We can only know that it is. Our reaction to it determines how it affects us. We cannot change others, we cannot change how they think, feel, and in most cases how they view something, we can only change ourselves.

   I used to tell students that while someone certainly may have wronged them, made a disparaging remark, or even caused them physical harm their reaction to it is not a requirement. As humans and undeveloped humans at that, this concept was hard for them to grasp. But in truth how we react is our responsibility. In any given situation our reaction dictates the movement forward of events and how we are affected. I have embarked on a mission to change and not to be a slave to the actions of others. I choose how I react and how something will change me.  Certainly others have the power to force some change in our lives but we can determine its direction. Take control of your life and how much others can change it. Do not be a slave to your fear and react in a way that fits a script laid out by someone else's agenda. Be yourself and be in charge of yourself as I am attempting to do as I start over, over 50.