The weather is getting colder and the days are getting shorter. People have been advising me since I started this process that I just had to give it some time and things would get better. This time of year time seems to pass a bit faster. Gone are the long slow days of summer and now begins the short hectic rush through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Day and for those of here in the Gulf South, Mardis Gras. There are days off, dinners and family gatherings that give us more time moving around from place to place. Everyone will be trying to maximize, maybe in some cases minimize, the time they spend with family and loved ones.
This is by far my favorite time of the year, even in the darkest times of my life it seemed after the holidays things always got better. Things are getting better right now, so the holidays hold promise. I love the idea of the season, from giving thanks, to giving love and gratitude, to leaving behind the old and ringing in the new, to the debauchery of Fat Tuesday and closing out with the joy of resurrection. What a truly happy time. The promise of renewal makes these next few months easier to get through. And as much as I hate to admit it, they were right. Time is working towards making things better.
Starting over is about renewal. Albeit at my age there is not much being renewed and sometimes there is more just hanging on than anything else. The uniqueness of starting over at this age is the lack of time. Some things are little more urgent now that I am in my 50s than they were when I was 30. That may be a perception issue and when I was in my 30s I probably had a higher chance of checking out due to my lifestyle than I do now. In my 30s it was about the hunt and being out with the boys and living it up being single. In my 50s it is about health insurance, retirement savings and seeing as much of my kids as I can.
This time, as hard as the blow was, I am recovering faster and stronger and becoming wiser I think. I am not in as big of a rush it seems as I was 25 years ago. Time is passing and sometimes it goes too fast. Time is healing part of me and at the same time putting distance between myself and a past that I was rather fond of. Compared to just 6 months ago my life is vastly different. But it is nice. Things are looking up and moving forward. I am making plans out past next year and two months ago the next day was the unknown. I am back on the bus and my luggage is stowed. I am on my way again. Although I am not sure of the destination I am looking forward to getting there as I start over, over 50.
No comments:
Post a Comment