Since I have begun this period of introspection I have looked at and read many things pertaining to self help, self realization and personal growth. Most I discarded, or dismissed because they did not seem to have any relevance to me. I hope I did not make any mistakes. Of those I read, or paid attention to some, only a couple of them stood out. There were only a few that I took the time to read or understand. One of them of course was the Bible. It has too many passages and instructions that provide solace and help for me to have ignored and the other is something called The Secret.

   I had heard of The Secret on many occasions. I had read passages from it and I believe I recall a show that Oprah did dedicated to this topic. As many times as it had crossed my path I never really took the time to pay close attention to it. Like most times of trial and tribulation in my life I relied on myself to make it through the troubles I was facing. This particular time though I was in a place where I decided it was worth it to at least find out what it was about.

   There are many books, and TV programs dedicated to The Secret. I found the documentary and took the time watch it and really take it in. I am glad I did. Has it somehow transformed my life and made everything that much better? In a way it has. I look at things in a different way. I apply the things I learned from watching The Secret everyday in my life and I must admit I am happier, calmer and far more optimistic about the future. I no longer worry, fret, or wallow in the muck and mire of what has happened nor do I stand frozen, feet stuck in the brambles about fear of the future.

   The Secret takes the basic principles of self awareness and our place in this universe and with some help from almost every religion tells you how to use this knowledge to improve your outlook on life. It does not guarantee riches and success, or fame and fortune, it does however, let you in on a way of thinking that allows you to achieve what you want, accept what you have and not to think about what could have been, or should have been and it helps you get rid of the idea of "what if".

  The Secret uses basic ideas about the Law Of Attraction to guide to us to place in our minds where we can be comfortable with ourselves, and what we really desire. It provides insight into a way of thinking that frees one's mind from the shackles of fear and doubt. The Secret does not champion any religious ideals, or any one religion as the only way. It does however, contain tenets from all religions, including my own Christianity, in such a way that it becomes self evident to one that we are really meant to be happy, we are meant to have the things we want from life and it is okay to be successful, to be famous, or to be rich if that is what we desire. If you are wondering what The Secret is, find the DVD and watch it. Give it some thought and try to apply the principles that it espouses to your everyday life. I am doing that and I am realizing the simplicity and the nature of its tenets as I start over, over 50.

   To be a human being means we are thoughtful by nature. Since we left the trees and became meat eaters our brains have grown and our preoccupation with finding food has taken a back seat to loftier pursuits. Today as a species we do not have to spend all day focusing on shelter, food and basic survival. This is a blessing as well as a curse. We are certainly safer now, healthier now, and technology has made our lives much simpler, but at the same time that we have been released from the shackles of survival we have become chained to our thoughts.

   The two most basic emotions that drive us are fear and love. They both cause us to act in irrational ways and to do things that in hindsight make us question our own sanity. Fear keeps us from accomplishing so much because in fear we can talk ourselves out of attempting things that would improve our lives. With fear we tend to imagine so many different scenarios that could occur we are frozen in place and never move forward. How many times have we committed some error at work, or home, only to have our minds race with the possibilities and consequences that are so far fetched our entire day is consumed with the thoughts of the incident. KISS is an acronym that stands for "keep it simple, stupid." The point here is to keep things simple, do not over think something. When starting a project I have watched many people start listing the problems that may arise during the completion of the project rather than the steps needed to successfully complete that project.

   Too many times when faced with a problem or difficult situation our minds race off to imagine all sorts of negative consequences that may arise as we try to extricate ourselves from it, or solve it. We have the capability to project all of our fears and bad thoughts on to any situation to make it far worse than it really is. It is funny how more often than not we are able to see all of the bad things that can happen and we have great difficulty focusing on all of the good. We can take the simplest of things and turn into one of the most difficult things we may ever face. The truth is if we look back at some of what we thought were potentially the worse things that could ever happen to us, when we look back at the things we thought we could never overcome, or things we were sure would affect us and all of those around us in a bad way for years to come we find that the opposite is true.

    While in college preparing to write my first large research paper my professor asked how many of us had heard of Occam's Razor. Maybe one hand went up. Occam's Razor is a principle that puts forth the idea that when faced with competing hypothesis the one with the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct. In other words, when all else is put aside the simplest explanation is the correct one. When facing a potential problem in life, or having to face something difficult caused by our own mistakes in judgement let us not rush toward some long and drawn out complicated set of events that could occur, but rather focus on the reality of the situation and keep it simple. Our lives are complicated enough without our help. Look at similar events and remember how they turned out. The fact that we are able to take the time to think about a problem is testimony to our ability to stand tall in the face of any adversity. We have faced so many difficulties in our lives that one more minor bump is inconsequential. Think of all of the good things that can come out of something rather than the bad that may come, and most probably, will never happen. I am looking for the good and I am keeping it simple as I start over, over 50.

   As the title of this blog suggests when I started it I am in the process of starting over. That process I have discovered is an ongoing work that really begins anew every day. It can begin at any time increment you choose, but I would imagine breaking the time down on a daily basis is the easiest to deal with. Humans break there lives down into time segments to better organize things, or to signify the ending and beginning of things. One of things I have discovered and shared is not hanging on to the past. It is a common theme in my writing and one that I will revisit fairly often.

   While we are always cautioned to let go of the past the one thing we must be mindful of is not forgetting it. We must remember the past, our mistakes, our failures, our victories and our triumphs over adversity. The past must be remembered because as humans we always make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn new things and reinforce lessons already learned. We cannot be afraid of failure and cannot be afraid of making mistakes. However, we must be mindful of our past mistakes so that they are not repeated. So the past holds a place of purpose in our journey and we must examine it and learn from it, but not be mired in it.

   So what can we do about the past and the mistakes we made or the wrongs we perceive that others have done to us? As far as the wrongs done to us by others there is not much we can do. Being angry is a waste of time and sitting around lamenting what has been done by others and waiting for them to fix it is giving power to someone that neither earned nor deserves it. The only thing we have control over is ourselves and the only thing we can change is us. Many self-help groups and books talk endlessly about the necessity of making amends as an essential piece of the self improvement puzzle. The only problem with this is that by the time we realize we need to make amends it may be too late or even more revealing is that the person we need to make amends to either is no longer interested in it or may not even realize you think you may have done them wrong.

   I sometimes think that making a list of those we need to make amends to is the epitome of hubris. We assume that we had such an effect on someone that they require our acknowledgment of it and need that pound of flesh from us. Truth be told most people are rarely thinking of us. Most people are like us in that they are wrapped up securely in their own lives and problems that ours are just not evident to them. How many times has someone taken their own life only to have those around them exclaim, "I had no idea that they were hurting that much!" We must be mindful of our place in the lives of others.

   That being said we must always be mindful of ourselves and our own behavior. When we wrong someone we need to own it, admit it and be contrite about it, make whatever amends we can and move on. If we strive to always be kind, to realize that we can, with our words and actions, hurt another and then try to make amends we will have less to think about. I am going to endeavor to be kind in words, thought and action. I can no longer afford to be anything else. I have enough baggage I am carrying from my past. I do not need to add to my load. So today and everyday join me in making a solid effort to be kind. Be someone slow to anger and quick to forgive. Make an attempt to keep your mouth closed and your heart open and when faced with the choice of being right or being kind, choose kind, I am going to try to do all of this as I start over, over 50.

   Since we already know that change is the one true constant, I thought I would address a part of change that affects us all. When I was a child rotary phones were the standard and people still sent and received telegrams. I have watched communication technology change and grow from that old rotary phone to push button phones, cordless phones, cable TV and the rise of the computer. I have a daughter that was born into a household with a Commodore 64 computer and dot matrix printer. Since those days I take for granted the technology I use today, but there is a piece that although I resisted at first I have come to accept and use regularly.

   Social media has grown exponentially in the last two decades. The youth of the world were the first to embrace it as a way to give themselves a voice and to be heard at an age when it seems no one is listening. That explosion in social media sites like Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and Instagram, have enabled people of all ages to engage and connect with a larger world than I could as a teenager. Today a chance picture or video can launch someone into a semblance of celebrity status unknown just 20 years ago.

   As an adult over 50 years old the one thing that I have noticed is how generational the acceptance of social media has become. My parents are still alive and have seen a far more substantial change in technology than I have, yet like others of their generation they seem reluctant to embrace the idea of social media. Their complaint seems to be the idea that they would be opening their lives to scrutiny that makes them uncomfortable. They do not seem to grasp that people can only have the access they allow and then only to the information that they permit to be viewed or shared. The younger generation does not seem to have accumulated the baggage that the older generations have, so they have a limited concept of privacy.

   Facebook seems to still be the platform of choice, at least for the people that I am in contact with on a daily basis. I use it, although in the early days of its explosion on the social media scene I took on the same mantra that my elders espoused. However, I have come to appreciate the use of social media for many purposes. For me the most valuable part of social media is the ability to reconnect and stay connected to people that I had lost contact with and to people that I otherwise would never have an opportunity to interact with.

   Having worked in military intelligence I understand the value of maintaining a low profile and closely guarding your privacy. Just like in face-to-face encounters on-line communication should be carefully controlled and one should not share everything about themselves at any time on social media sites.Common sense should dictate what we use social media for and anyone you communicate with that you just met on the web should be treated the same way as someone you just met on the street. There is no need to immediately let someone into your inner circle and until you know more about them and have vetted them they should be held at arms length. All that being said I would encourage you to join a social media site. You would be surprised at the people you can reconnect with and make new connections with. It is a valuable tool when used properly and can open up a whole new world for you. I will be cruising around social media, trading stories, pictures and updates with a very cordial group of old and new friends. join us, you will be pleasantly surprised as I am, everyday as I start over, over 50.

   A few weeks ago I was in a bookstore looking for something new to read. I have been a voracious reader since elementary school. As I scanned the aisles looking for something to buy I became increasingly frustrated at my inability to make a decision. Some of the books were by authors I had never heard of, some were genres I did not feel like reading and many others I had already read. No matter how hard I tried I could not find anything that suited me.

  I thought about my problem a lot and it made me remember a time when I stumbled upon an author that has become one of my all time favorites. I was in a bookstore facing the same dilemma. No matter how hard I tried nothing compelled me to buy. Usually there are three things that prompt me to pick up a book to read, they are so simplistic that I am somewhat embarrassed. The first is the cover, just like the packaging in the grocery store the cover will prompt me to pick up a book and examine its worthiness. The second thing is the title, and the third is the author. With this in mind the following is what I stumbled upon many years ago.

  While perusing the shelves at a bookstore a title jumped out at me. It was In the Electric Mist With Confederate Dead, by James Lee Burke. That one random decision has provided me with many hours of good reading. James Lee Burke is an excellent author. His books appeal to me on many levels, genre, style of writing and sometimes a historical context that that is compelling and relevant to events in my life. Mr. Burke was born in Texas and spent his early life on the Gulf Coast of Louisiana and Texas. His settings are similar to where I grew up as are some of the characters in his books. The influence of Louisiana and the Gulf are evident in his stories and seem to shape his characters and stories in a way I find easy to empathize with.

   Burke's main characters are usually damaged heroes in need of redemption. One of his recurrent characters is a sheriff's deputy named Dave Robicheaux. Wracked by demons from his past and the Vietnam War, the deputy fights evil at the same time he is trying to come to grips with things he has done in his past that are similar to the evil men he faces. Most of the stories take place in Louisiana and some take place in Texas and Montana. Mr. Burke maintains homes both in New Iberia Louisiana and Missoula Montana. He has twice been awarded the Edgar Award for Best Crime Novel of the year. Three of his books have been made into movies, but to me they do not measure up to the books.

   The next time you are looking for a good read I encourage you to try one of Mr. Burke's novels. Well written and to me as good as any book I have read, I am sure you will find them entertaining, compelling and worthy of the critical acclaim he has received. His most recent novel Wayfaring Stranger, is one of his best. The next time you are looking for a book to read, pick an obscure title. Choose a book that on the outside offers no clue to what is between the cover. I did it and I have been rewarded handsomely with many hours of great reading. If you read his books leave me a comment on what you think. If you have already read them leave me a comment and tell me your experience. I am still looking for something new to read and I am waiting on the next great novel as I start over, over 50.

   Recent news stories have prompted me take a look at humor. Websters has a few definitions for humor, some if which are a little disturbing, but in a general sense it is defined as the ability to be funny or to be amused  by things that are funny. when listing some of the more desirable qualities in a mate people often list a sense of humor as being very important. We are always encouraged to have a sense humor. A sense of humor means to have the ability to recognize humor when we see it. Being able to make someone laugh is a gift and many women choose a man that makes her laugh before they choose one based on looks.

   Being able to laugh at the things around us that are funny has the ability to turn a bad day good. Seeing the irony in a situation sometimes makes it easier to understand and deal with. Some of the more notable phrases that deal with the effects of humor on our well being include the often used "laughter is the best medicine." Studies show that laughter actually improves our over all well being. It triggers the release of certain hormones that promote healing, and allows us an escape from some of the more negative aspects of a situation or event.

   We must however be able to distinguish between the ability to make someone laugh from the perceived notion that in being able to do so then that person is happy. Too often the ability to make others laugh is a self defense mechanism used to hide some deeper personal pain. Just because I can point out irony, and the humor around myself and others in life does not necessarily make me happy. Masking pain and distress with jokes and humor is only a temporary fix. As much as I enjoy making others laugh I love to laugh myself. I enjoy comedy over almost any other form of entertainment and for me it is an essential part of my life.

   How many times have we met someone that just cannot seem to laugh or be amused at the absurdity of things? Instead they become angry, distressed and respond with phrases like, "that's not funny, it's just stupid." While they may be right, something can be stupid and funny at the same time. We must realize however, that the things we find funny do not appear that way to others. For example I find myself cringing more than laughing at some of the ridiculous antics of people that while silly and foolish are not really funny. I rarely if ever laugh when someone commits a faux-pas in public that is embarrassing such as falling, tripping etc.

  All that being said I constantly search for things to make me laugh. I have a number of Three Stooges dvds that provide many hours of laughter. I never miss a chance to watch one of my favorite comedians perform and I find pleasure in the ridiculous puns some of my acquaintances come up with. We should use humor for a good purpose. I try to shy away from humor as a mask or shield and instead embrace it as a curative measure for my inability to remain grounded and happy. Humor gives us a break from the grind of every day life and allows us respite from strife and struggle. Take the time to find some humor today. If not in the situation find manufactured humor to allow an escape. Study the subtle sarcasm of Bugs Bunny, or the in your face antics of Tom and Jerry. Lighten up and take a break for minute. You will be better for it and for a time will be able escape to a better place. I vow to laugh today no matter what it takes and find the humor I need to feel better and stay grounded as I start over, over 50.

   Due to recent changes in my life I have embarked on a journey of introspection. Not some metaphysical spiritual journey, but a simple self examination of where I see myself and where I want to see myself. As a result of this I have begun to seriously change my way of thinking, my outlook on life and how I view my role in its direction. The important part of this idea is the "my role" part. My role is the only one that matters. No one else has or had a role in my journey, or my current destination. My reactions to and my treatment of others may have been a deciding factor, but no one else has any ownership in it but me.

  One of the many things I am discovering is how I view my circumstance and how I view what I want that to be. I used to hope that things would get better. I used to hope that someone would love me, that I would win the lottery, or that I would be successful. Hope was an integral part of my way of thinking and a big part of my daily affirmations that intentionally, or not, were a constant mantra of my thoughts. That has changed now. I abandon hope. I disregard hope and no longer hope for anything. Do not get me wrong. I am not giving up nor am I in a deep well of depression from which there is no exit.

   Instead I have adopted faith over hope. I have faith in how my life will unfold. I walk through the day with the faith of a zealot sure that even in death they will live forever. You see, I have come to realize that hope is just a wish, a dream, nebulous and ethereal in its nature and holding no promise or obligation, to its creator (he who hopes) to manifest those things he believes in. Faith is the sure knowledge of something. The belief that no matter what, the things you want and desire can be manifested by the sheer belief that they will be. Faith the is sword that conquers foes and the shield and that protects a heart.

  I believe that hope can be a thief. Robbing one of the surety that the knowledge you possess is useless against the inexorable tidal forces of circumstances bent on diverting you from your chosen path. Hope is only the dream of a promise that may be and not the sure knowledge of what will be. When Dante described his entry into hell the last line of the inscription above the gate was "Abandon all hope ye who enter here". That is good advice. Abandon hope and cling tenaciously to faith. As Jim Carrey said in a recent college commencement address "Hope drives through the fire, faith leaps over it." Faith gives you the strength to conquer, hope gives you a dream of what might happen.

  Don't get me wrong. I am certain hope has a place. There are bound to be parts of our journey where hope has relevance. For me, right now, faith is what I choose. I have faith in myself and I have faith in what is yet to be. Why? Because I firmly believe that it will be. That's right, I believe it will be. I believe that what I want and desire will manifest itself and I know from the knowledge of past experience that I can manifest those those desires into reality. Dr. Phil always proclaims that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. While he may be right on a psychological level I do not believe it applies to our ability to alter our path. I am walking in faith. I have faith in the fact that I am the master of my own ship and I guide it to its final port. Walk in faith with me today. Be strong in your beliefs and sure in the knowledge that you will prevail. I am taking that walk today and everyday as I start over, over 50.