Filling Voids

    One step at a time sometimes one minute at a time that is the way I go through my days. The good thing is each of the steps and each of the minutes are getting easier. The mornings are the same and for some reason I have yet to be able to change them. I cry all the way to work. I have been told it is therapeutic. Of course the people telling me it is therapeutic hold no degrees in psychology, are not psychiatrist but they do have my best interests at heart. That is one of the positives of what is happening to me. For each person that may enjoy my ill fortune, that may take pleasure in my pain I am finding two more that want to help, want to be sympathetic, or just be there.

   I have a job, a good job in my chosen profession. That is a good start, and it fills a void. There are still voids to fill and some voids may never be filled. For certain the loss of seeing my children every day is a void that will never be filled, but I will adjust and it will work out. Their mother and I agree on the importance of a cordial relationship around the children and a united front with discipline and other issues. I am praying I am mature enough to keep that up. My past history would suggest otherwise. Filling voids and replacing lost relationships is a big part of the starting over process and I am committed to doing that.

   I will love again, of that I am certain and I will marry again, I am certain of that too. We are by nature creatures averse to being alone and not in a close relationship. Close loving relationships with others are good for our health and help heal our shattered psyches as well as our lost souls. My next will be number three and I can honestly say I will love her more than any other. It seems some of us are destined to keep trying until we get it right and I am determined to get it right. We all have love to share and the need to share that love a wonderful thing. I will marry again and for me the sooner the better. You know what they say about falling off the horse. Bad analogy, but it works.

    I have made progress in the last few months. It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be and I am sure there will be some setbacks and disappointments. I have already experienced some at the expense of others and that bothers me. I have rushed towards others and trampled through their life in matter of days only to realize it was the wrong time, the wrong person, or I was just not suitable. That it is one thing I must remember as I travel down this road. My impact on other people’s lives may not be as minimal as I would like to think. I need to remember others may be traveling the same road I am on and may have been on it longer. As I move forward it will be with a little more caution and care as I start over, over 50.