Starting over, requires moving forward and moving forward can sometimes be tedious because of all the baggage we insist on taking with us. Loads of useless regrets, anger and memories that hold no value and sometimes people that do us no good can weigh us down to the point that forward motion is impossible. The thing we have do to is decide what is worth holding on to, what is worth the extra charge at the gate. For me it is regrets, anger, and memories that hold no value. People I value. More often than not I am so wrong in my assessment of people that I have left many good potential friends by the side of the road only to realize later they would have been nice to have on the journey.
Now as I take an inventory of what I am carrying I am being more careful. I am loath to pay the extra fees for excess baggage that does nothing but drag me down. I am anxious however to gather people along for the trip. For I have found that I as I focused on career and family I left behind a lot of friends and valuable acquaintances. The best analogy I can come up with for this part of life is it is like a garden.
The garden of life has to be tended. It has to be watered with compliments, fed with love, and occasionally pruned and weeded with prudence and patience and great care. I am doing that now. My garden was overgrown with weeds and untended for far too long. So now I am a gardener of life. I am planting new seeds for friends unknown, I am weeding the garden of the things that are choking back nourishing life and I am rediscovering those things that I neglected for far too long.
Starting over now has started to become positive. Don’t get me wrong, it is still difficult and sometimes I look forward and quake with fear at what I am facing and my abilities to succeed. But succeed I must, the alternative is unacceptable. As I have posted before you cannot quit and the road of life is littered with those who gave up, holding pitiful cardboard signs that describe their transgressions and point out their unwillingness to keep living, to keep trying to go on with life no matter what has hit them. I shall not stop, I may falter, I may trip and stumble, but as I was taught by my parents my response to these obstacles define me and you cannot quit. I will persevere as I start over, over 50.
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