As a child of two rather tough parents tears and lamentations were rarely if ever tolerated. My father was a marine and is a Korean War veteran. My mother was a marine for a short period and worked and raised us the rest of the time. When I left the sixth grade I was given an award for never missing a day of school from first through the sixth grade, if you were breathing you were okay. Needless to say my parents were strict and had high expectations. I am not complaining in any way and that upbringing has served me well through the years. I have developed a hard outer shell and managed to weather some pretty tough storms and come through the other side intact and happy.

   However, I have mellowed some as I have aged and I look back at some of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that have come at me and I have a different take on things now. Certainly I still believe in the old stiff upper lip and all that, but I also see the value in taking the time to feel the pain of a particular situation. Sometimes I think that we can shed tears at the same time we maintain that stiff upper lip and let that lip quiver just ever so much. I am not talking about the tearing of clothes, gnashing of teeth kind of reaction, I am not suggesting that one sit Shiva for days because of an emotional pain. What I am suggesting is that to be healthy, to really feel, and to really learn something we need to let the pain come, acknowledge it and really feel it.

    At one time I had a short career in hospital administration. It was a difficult job, fraught with many difficulties from the top to the bottom. The nurses that I worked with were smart and tough and had developed a rather hard attitude towards problems. One of the phrases I often heard when confronting any difficult problem was "you have to let it bleed". The first time I heard this I had no idea what it meant even though it was explained to me. Now I think I can see the logic and simplicity of this statement. Just like issues in any corporate environment we are faced with problems that seem insurmountable and issues that require the help or acquiescence of others when dealing with life issues. I think now that sometimes we just have to let it bleed a little while. 

   I am learning now how to better handle emotional loss. Physical loss does not seem as difficult, but when faced with end of a relationship, or separation, or lengthy illness I think now that it is better if I allow myself to feel the pain. I will not let it debilitate me and I will not give the one who caused the pain the satisfaction of knowing I hurt, but I will allow myself to feel it. In feeling it I can better remember the cause and be forewarned in the future. I will not make a public display and will tell precious few around me that I hurt, but I will...hurt. I think it may be healthy. I am not really sure. I know that up to this point that while the hard outer shell has served me well, it may be time for a molt if you will. I am not saying anyone else needs to go this route, but I am going to feel for a while, even it hurts a little, as I start over, over 50.