We all have our detractors. Some of us for some unknown reason, or reasons have more than others. I guess it it is a subjective issue to each one of us. I remember as a child being baffled every time someone took a dislike to me. I was indifferent and aloof when it came to others. I stayed close to those in my circle of friends and while I held no animus towards those on the outside I did not give them much thought either. As I grew older I came to realize that there were people in this world that did not like me for many reasons and people that despised me for no reason I could discern.

   It is still that way. It used to hurt me greatly when I knew people felt this way. I used to have a sort of fear of these people too, afraid to get too close and find out what they really thought and have my happy little picture me burst before my eyes and my weaknesses, ugliness, and terrible traits laid bare for me to see. Back then I apparently liked to live in denial. I assumed that I liked me so every else must feel the same. Again, I truly felt no animus towards any one person, I guess it was my aloofness and lack of awareness that may have offended others. As I have grown older I have certainly done things to cause people to dislike me. Some things that are pretty bad and some things that when summed up together seem even worse.

   There are also people I know that dislike me for reasons of their own that I had nothing to do with. Those that I know I remind of some one thing they said, or did and do not want to be constantly reminded of so I am the target of their disdain or hatred. I have no problem with this for two reasons. I may have had a part in the act they no longer want to remember. We may have been together during a particularly bad time that brings back terrible memories better left buried beneath the debris of the past and only revealed through a careful sifting and cataloguing of the contents. My presence may bring this out more readily. The other reason is that maybe they have wronged me somehow and in seeing me they are reminded of what they are capable of. Maybe they are reminded of a part of them they do no wish to acknowledge so I am the easy target.

   There is another more simpler answer though. It may be to some people I am simply unlikable. Maybe there are things about me that just seem to bring out the dislike in others. I know in my life there are people like that for me. Don't ask me why, and while I try not to judge and to assume the best of everyone, there are some that I just cannot like no matter how hard I try. I have come to grips with both issues. I realize that no matter how hard I try there are plenty of people that may tolerate me, but in no way do they like me and there are people that elicit the same reaction from me. It's okay. To those who do not like me, I am okay with it. You do not matter nor do your opinions matter any more than my liking you, or my opinions of you matter. However, remember I am a son of the south and will remain genteel as long as possible. I will suffer the boor for as long as possible and dodge the slings and arrows of your vitriol for as long as I can, but I will eventually return to what my father told me is the only thing some people really understand and that is a punch in the mouth either metaphorically or for real. I will weigh my options carefully though as I start over, over 50.